My brother sent this email to me: "My bed is a magical place where I can suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do."

I've always been a rotten sleeper. My brother also used to be a rotten sleeper but now he says he just waits until 1 am before lying down. Such tricks don't work for me: As soon as I shut my eyes, I'm met with an elaborate display constructed by the Freudian Fireworks Company spelling out the word "Failure".

The moment I put my head on the pillow, I picture myself standing in front of a judge holding an impressive ledger inscribed with every task I've left undone as well as everything I might've done better.

The last time I remember doing everything right was on the occasion of my first communion. That was in 1963, which was the year ZIP codes were introduced. It's been a while since I haven't worried about messing up.

After that, I'm awake for a month.

A person can't even watch television before bed anymore. I'm not talking about watching panel discussions on cable stations where people from opposing viewpoints face each other in a cage match. I'm talking about watching broadcasters on local stations.

I used to love listening to the weather report before going to sleep. It was soothing. Not anymore. I keep a notebook and pen near the bed (because sleep experts insist that having a laptop in the bedroom is as disruptive as having a ferret in your pillow) so I can tell you exactly what I heard before switching off the TV last night: "After the break, we'll talk about what kind of impacts this storm system will have on the morning commute because of the severe rains that are coming in tomorrow morning. Stay tuned."

I'm no meteorologist, but the "impact" of rain is that you're going to get wet. I don't think that's something you need to sit through a Subaru ad to discover. It's going to be a rainy day, it's gonna take you longer to get to work, you could end up damp and you'll probably be in a bad mood when you arrive.

Because we want to blame the inability to sleep on something other than ourselves, we now blame the beds. Mattresses have become our enemy. You can now buy beds that lift you up, making your ankles higher than your thorax, or ones guaranteeing your shoulders are warmer than your buttocks. You could have a bed that makes you into a balloon animal. It's like joining the Cirque du Soleil every night.

Can I tell you a secret? If you can't sleep, it's not because of the bed. People used to sleep on mattresses made by stuffing corn husks into a sack - and those were the aristocrats. Most people slept on the ground for that nice firm feeling and so they could run when an animal started chasing them. Basically they were pretty tired from herding goats. They slept well because they were physically exhausted. Their anxieties were also more immediate than ours. ("Honey, do you think we'll get beaten to death by the Visigoths tonight?" "Nah. I heard it's going to rain. They don't like the rain.")

I've known few truly talented sleepers. I had a roommate back in college who could've been on the Olympic sleep team. She was world-class. But even she now wanders through her house like a wraith after midnight trying to figure out whether it'd be easier to fall asleep in the armchair or on the couch.

During these turbulent times, I bet we're losing even moderately good sleepers to insomnia on a nightly basis. We're fraught and overwrought.

We not only need sleep, we need rest. We need to take some lightheartedness, herd our worst thoughts like goats into a pen and speak again in the morning.

Tribune News Service

睡覺(jué)？我還有很多操心的事兒吶

我弟弟給我發(fā)了這樣一封電子郵件：“我的床是個(gè)神奇的地方，躺在上面，我能馬上想起我本該去做的每一件事?！?/p>

我一直都是個(gè)入睡困難的人。我弟弟以前也是，但現(xiàn)在他說(shuō)，他會(huì)等到凌晨1點(diǎn)再上床睡覺(jué)。這樣的招數(shù)對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)根本不管用，只要我閉上眼，就會(huì)在腦海中看到弗洛伊德煙花公司精心準(zhǔn)備的煙花表演拼出一個(gè)“失敗者”的字樣。

我躺下來(lái)的那一瞬間，就會(huì)想象著自己正站在一位法官面前，對(duì)方手里拿著一本讓人看了就忘不掉的的賬簿，記刻著每一件我未完成的以及可能會(huì)做得更好的事。

我記得最近一次我把每件事都做得規(guī)規(guī)矩矩是在我第一次參加圣餐儀式的時(shí)候。那是在1963年，那年剛開(kāi)始通用郵政編碼。到現(xiàn)在，我一直在擔(dān)心自己會(huì)把事情搞砸了。

夜晚對(duì)失敗的恐懼和焦慮通常始于對(duì)一些小事的自我埋怨：如果不去寵物市場(chǎng)的話，貓糧還夠撐一個(gè)星期嗎？然后我會(huì)為被解救的動(dòng)物感到難過(guò)，接著我會(huì)立刻想到孤兒、難民和流浪漢，譴責(zé)自己沒(méi)有為全球饑餓和居住問(wèn)題做出更多貢獻(xiàn)。

然后，我就會(huì)失眠一個(gè)月。

我甚至不能再在睡前看電視。我說(shuō)的可不是有線電視臺(tái)播放的那種像是被關(guān)在籠子里的兩派觀點(diǎn)相左的人的辨論爭(zhēng)斗節(jié)目。我說(shuō)的是地方臺(tái)播放的節(jié)目。

我過(guò)去喜歡在睡前聽(tīng)天氣預(yù)報(bào)，這能讓我鎮(zhèn)靜下來(lái)?，F(xiàn)在可不行了。我會(huì)在床邊放一個(gè)筆記本和一支筆（因?yàn)樗邔＜覉?jiān)稱，把筆記本電腦放在臥室，就像把雪貂放在枕頭里一樣，會(huì)破壞你的睡眠），所以我能確切地告訴你，昨晚我關(guān)上電視前聽(tīng)到的節(jié)目?jī)?nèi)容：“稍事休息后，我們來(lái)講講明天早上的暴雨所形成的風(fēng)暴云系會(huì)對(duì)早上的通勤造成怎樣的影響。不要走開(kāi)?！?/p>

雖然我不是氣象學(xué)家，但暴雨的“影響”就是人們會(huì)被淋濕。我認(rèn)為這不是需要聽(tīng)完插播的斯巴魯汽車廣告后才能發(fā)現(xiàn)的事兒。明天會(huì)下雨，上班路上會(huì)花更長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間，到公司后，可能成了落湯雞，大概心情會(huì)很糟糕。

因?yàn)槲覀兺氚褵o(wú)法入睡的原因歸咎于其他事情，而不是自己身上，所以我們會(huì)抱怨是床的問(wèn)題。床墊成了敵人。我們現(xiàn)在可以買到把人升起來(lái)的床，使人的腳踝高于胸腔的床，或是能夠保證肩部比臀部更暖和的床。還有可以像用氣球做動(dòng)物似的把人變換一定形狀的床，每晚躺在上面就像加入了太陽(yáng)馬戲團(tuán)。

我能向你透露一個(gè)秘密嗎？如果你無(wú)法入睡，不是因?yàn)榇灿袉?wèn)題。人們過(guò)去會(huì)睡在用玉米殼裝的麻袋做成的床墊上，這可是貴族們享有的待遇。古時(shí)大部分人都直接睡在地上，因?yàn)楦杏X(jué)踏實(shí)，當(dāng)野獸開(kāi)始追趕他們時(shí)，他們能馬上逃跑。可以說(shuō)那時(shí)的人因?yàn)榉叛蚨械椒浅Ｆv，睡得香是因?yàn)樯眢w乏累。他們的焦慮也比我們的更直接。（“親愛(ài)的，你覺(jué)得我們今晚會(huì)被西哥特人打死嗎？”“不會(huì)啦，我聽(tīng)說(shuō)要下雨，他們不喜歡下雨。”）

我認(rèn)識(shí)的人里，沒(méi)有誰(shuí)是真正天生的睡眠高手。我大學(xué)時(shí)的一位室友，當(dāng)時(shí)都可以入選“快速睡眠”奧運(yùn)代表隊(duì)。她當(dāng)時(shí)可是世界一流的入睡高手?？扇缃?，她也會(huì)像幽靈一樣，半夜在屋子里來(lái)回游蕩，反復(fù)琢磨著是躺在扶手椅上還是沙發(fā)上更易入睡。

(本段的翻譯有獎(jiǎng)?wù)骷?

我們不僅需要睡眠，也需要放松。我們需要舒緩下來(lái)，像趕羊入圈一樣把那些睡前的雜念收攏起來(lái)，留到第二天再說(shuō)不遲。

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上期獲獎(jiǎng)?wù)撸簭V西南寧　廣西師范學(xué)院　卯雨婧